The Sparrow and her Baby.

It was a windy day. The Sparrow peeped from the nest, just a little bit. Her feathers tickled and she giggled retreating into a cosy ball again. Oh, what a nice nice day. The chill air always made her feel nice all over. And the wind was so kind to her. He brought her love messages from the neighbourhood flowers which she breathed in gleefully. He brought her little friendship tokens from trees- leaf blankets, twigs to decorate her nest. However, the wind sometimes forgot how powerful he really is. In his excitement to deliver the messages, gifts and what not, he would rush in, scaring her little baby! She would then spread her wings to bring her baby closer and then… aah, now I get it, Sparrow chuckled. In his own way, the wind is reminding me that my days with my baby may end anytime now. Her wings are gleaming and she is already becoming restless with them. I must gather all the hugs I can get! Sparrow sighed. She cuddled herself closer and felt the slow rise and fall of her little baby’s heart. “When she takes flight, so many things can go wrong.” A little voice whispered as she was drifting off. She sat up in brisk horror. Wide awake, she spent the next few minutes thinking of the worst scenarios and weeping to herself while her baby slept through it all blissfully. Suddenly, Mr. Wind brought in a dried up flower petal. She held it close and remembered, “My first flight!” She went through the events of that day. It was cold with the dawn glowing afar. She had slowly moved to the edge of the nest, trying to take in the sunshine. And without realising, the nest had tipped and she fell into a dried up flower. Stuck between the tree branch and the ground, her mind had swiftly thought of how her Papa flew. She tried to spread her wings and flapped them. She managed a few, started falling again, but by then Papa had seen her and swooped her up. What was that feeling she had felt? She could have died but she distinctly recollected that she had not felt fear. In those moments when the wind had carried her for the first time, it was ecstatic joy and nothing else. “That’s when Mr. Wind became my friend.” Sparrow smiled to herself. Now, all she wanted was for her little baby to experience that kind of joy. And she couldn’t wait to experience the pride she would feel, watching her baby soar, knowing all the incredible things she could do. “Mr. Wind, take care of my baby, will you?” Sparrow gave her baby a little peck and a thought floated through her head before she fell asleep- “She hatched from an egg for me, and now she will hatch out of being my baby. What an incredibly sad and euphoric moment, all at once.”

Sleep walking wide awake.

And what is it that is bothering me now? As usual the mind is filled to the brim. With a million thoughts floating around waiting to be flushed out. But most of them remain untouched later to be crowded with new ones emerging and all of them fighting for space.

And as the visual quickly shifts from the inside to the outside, my face has a massive question mark and a wrinkled forehead waiting to be ironed out.

But it never will be. How is it possible that the answers start outweighing the questions? How is it that problems generate slower than solutions? How is it possible that the world would be exactly what you want it to be and more so you actually know how you want it to be?? How in heavens name is it possible that contentment can reside comfortably in a human mind?

I had a dream that my million thoughts knitted. And my day goes by trying to unknot that dream. And reality starts blurring as I sleep walk wide awake. I have realized what is bothering me now.

I suddenly open my eyes and think- maybe this is the last time I should be thinking.

Poor little Cinderella me.

Very very depressed. I get out of home without the feeling of a fulfilled and fully lived weekend.

An annoyance always springs up to mess up those 2 best loved days. This weekend was no different and I left home for work as I said very very depressed.

Then suddenly my life (maybe others too but for now know only about me) took a twisted turn towards a real life fairytale. Now wait. Fairytale sounds beautiful and pretty, butterflies and dancing flowers. But that’s only the happy ending. The twisted turn was the ugly part of the fairytale before it reaches a happy ending. Dark, evil, torturous and courage breaking. When there is no light seen yet in the tunnel. When the silver lining is still black and ominous. (In this case literally).

The protagonist me (it’s my story), is faced by torrential rains, sickness bouts, bruises and gnashes, and to top it all… this is the most painful piece... a non informed taxi strike.

So, the poor drenched me along with her ever together accomplice pulled themselves around to find their way out of this nightmare… The evil sorcerers in black and yellow zoomed across echoing a loud and ghastly laugh. We finally got ourselves to our destination with all the turmoil and pain and sorrow. (Explained in detail earlier) but well this was not my final destination as it turns out. I still had a last lap to go…and energy was running out.

I hated the world, I hated my state…I felt sorry for myself and internally cried. I had no choice but to move on for my last lap. Not sure if that would end in a happy ending or a tragedy. But it had to be done.

So I moved on… given up… numb and lost. And then I heard a horn. Not once but thrice. I turn around to see…a vacant omni cab asking me…where do you want to go? I was sure he is going to splash water on me and speed off hearing my short distance destination. But he said – sit. That word, we crave for everyday, that word with which flowers start blooming, butterflies do start floating and fairytales seem to be a happy ending.

I don’t know what that was. A star that shifted position, a coincidence (though people here would surely agree that cabbie calling out to you and taking you short distance is nothing less than a marvel) which gets me to my last word- miracle. But whatever that was… that one deed done made me forget the entire nightmare earlier during the day. Just like it is in a fairytale.

Music twirling close my ear and the world is fine, just so fine.

As I jump across that little step across my doorway, to join the milling world outside, I see busy eyes, cringed foreheads, and hurried strides all around me. I join them maybe a diverse direction at a physical level but we all so walk in the same direction at a different level. And then, I jam the music in my ears.

Suddenly the hue changes. The ambience takes a turn. As the singer croons in my ear, do I see someone mouthing it at the bus stop? As the guitar takes a high note, do I see that man at the shop moving his head in synchrony? Are the birds flying to the tune, did that car just glide in ballet, did that lady with the child smile at me with an approving nod?

Feels like colour balls in the air, feels like puffy clouds forming shapes to express glee, the sun feels just right. The world’s turned into one big arena and the biggest symphony is in place.

I settle for my journey which will end way too soon. But I smile for the little time I will have, to spare- To take in the world in the glory that music creates.

Pass me the sugar….there’s a bad taste in my mouth.

Let’s face it. There are more of downs than ups in life. There are scattered pieces of why mes we have to deal with. There are wasted tears, awful howls, tearing anger, and then the inevitable numbness. There are moments we want to kill a whole lot of people, we want to kill ourselves sometimes, we want to run away, we want to hide, we want to escape, push things under the carpet till it becomes a highly noticeable mould. We can’t imagine a life beyond, we cannot see that light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about, we cannot act happy when there is sadness on the unnecessarily placed back of our mind. We smile when tears are forcing its way out, act like the all bearing heroes in the innumerable movies influenced us. We fight our minds, fight our hearts, fight the interfering other minds which to mask their own sorrow dwell onto others. We all, at different times, have seen the end of the world.
But we make it back. Slowly and surely we retrace our steps. We all are heroes in our own right and in our own way show the steady mettle we made of. We learn to fight out. We learn to unlearn and learn the ways we are endowed with. We search for the joys hidden in the ever shifting sand. And we find it. Nugget by nugget. To form a whole. We make our own advices; we make ourselves listen to them. We search our way out. We find the directions laid out. And then we find the light everyone talks of. We make it to the top and look back and smile. It was all just a bad taste. I am happy I had my sugar. I am happy hope lingered.

Live Life the “Big Fish” way!

Some movies vanish from the mind the minute the credits start rolling. Some movies leave an impact for days to come. And some, linger somewhere behind with random scenes flashing once in a while….This is Big Fish for me.

I am not really sure about what this movie had to convey or what it wanted its viewers to take. But I took something that made this movie truly entertaining and fulfilling.

Make every incident an outstanding event in your life. Life in reality is filled with mundane routine works, same repetitive happenings. In short, if I had to do all that I have done once in my life and die, maybe I would live only a 20 (that too is optimistic!). Is it avoidable? Yes. Would I avoid it? No. Why? Because I am too scared to take the unconventional route. If something goes wrong, the responsibility is too much to take for a safe city bred like me. So why not take every “mundane” work as I take it and make it a little dramatic and entertaining as I walk the way thousands take. The road is the same, but why not try to learn and create new characters of the same people who walk the way?

Life cannot be boring- it has way too much in it to be that way….its all about catching the right clue to discover the excitement which is hidden away.

No, I haven’t discovered it and I still don’t know how. I will have my trial and errors but I am sure when I hit the shore it will be all worth it….So I start today…..explaining a simple random evening movie in my own big way…

Little pennies of happiness

I was sitting around cursing God, when is he ever planning to send across the clouds of happiness towards my way???? I huffed and puffed made a big face told him I am never going to think of him ever again. And finally he spoke!

He asked me this simple question which stunned me blue

What is happiness according to you?

I made a face like I know it all, but He is God and as Gods usually do, he knew I had not a clue.

But still I managed to rattle worldly wisdom I had managed to scrap up over the pittance years of my life.

“Happiness is a feeling of a flutter in the heart, like a wish fulfilled, an urge satisfied, when suddenly everything is just right about the world”

He smiled and said, “My Child (Gods usually use that term right??) The notes usually fly away; the bundles usually get buried so I throw lots of pennies all along the way. Stop ignoring the pennies because they can turn into huge bundles of happiness one day”

He disappeared, went away, throwing a clue for me to solve.

Not really enlightened more than before, I go back to whining just like yesterday. I pick up a pack of French fries to munch and think, wishing they stuff more in that tiny pack. As I was going to throw it, I see a few more French fries stuck way below. I smile, and sigh…..I had found my penny for the day….