Pass me the sugar….there’s a bad taste in my mouth.

Let’s face it. There are more of downs than ups in life. There are scattered pieces of why mes we have to deal with. There are wasted tears, awful howls, tearing anger, and then the inevitable numbness. There are moments we want to kill a whole lot of people, we want to kill ourselves sometimes, we want to run away, we want to hide, we want to escape, push things under the carpet till it becomes a highly noticeable mould. We can’t imagine a life beyond, we cannot see that light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about, we cannot act happy when there is sadness on the unnecessarily placed back of our mind. We smile when tears are forcing its way out, act like the all bearing heroes in the innumerable movies influenced us. We fight our minds, fight our hearts, fight the interfering other minds which to mask their own sorrow dwell onto others. We all, at different times, have seen the end of the world.
But we make it back. Slowly and surely we retrace our steps. We all are heroes in our own right and in our own way show the steady mettle we made of. We learn to fight out. We learn to unlearn and learn the ways we are endowed with. We search for the joys hidden in the ever shifting sand. And we find it. Nugget by nugget. To form a whole. We make our own advices; we make ourselves listen to them. We search our way out. We find the directions laid out. And then we find the light everyone talks of. We make it to the top and look back and smile. It was all just a bad taste. I am happy I had my sugar. I am happy hope lingered.

Live Life the “Big Fish” way!

Some movies vanish from the mind the minute the credits start rolling. Some movies leave an impact for days to come. And some, linger somewhere behind with random scenes flashing once in a while….This is Big Fish for me.

I am not really sure about what this movie had to convey or what it wanted its viewers to take. But I took something that made this movie truly entertaining and fulfilling.

Make every incident an outstanding event in your life. Life in reality is filled with mundane routine works, same repetitive happenings. In short, if I had to do all that I have done once in my life and die, maybe I would live only a 20 (that too is optimistic!). Is it avoidable? Yes. Would I avoid it? No. Why? Because I am too scared to take the unconventional route. If something goes wrong, the responsibility is too much to take for a safe city bred like me. So why not take every “mundane” work as I take it and make it a little dramatic and entertaining as I walk the way thousands take. The road is the same, but why not try to learn and create new characters of the same people who walk the way?

Life cannot be boring- it has way too much in it to be that way….its all about catching the right clue to discover the excitement which is hidden away.

No, I haven’t discovered it and I still don’t know how. I will have my trial and errors but I am sure when I hit the shore it will be all worth it….So I start today…..explaining a simple random evening movie in my own big way…

Little pennies of happiness

I was sitting around cursing God, when is he ever planning to send across the clouds of happiness towards my way???? I huffed and puffed made a big face told him I am never going to think of him ever again. And finally he spoke!

He asked me this simple question which stunned me blue

What is happiness according to you?

I made a face like I know it all, but He is God and as Gods usually do, he knew I had not a clue.

But still I managed to rattle worldly wisdom I had managed to scrap up over the pittance years of my life.

“Happiness is a feeling of a flutter in the heart, like a wish fulfilled, an urge satisfied, when suddenly everything is just right about the world”

He smiled and said, “My Child (Gods usually use that term right??) The notes usually fly away; the bundles usually get buried so I throw lots of pennies all along the way. Stop ignoring the pennies because they can turn into huge bundles of happiness one day”

He disappeared, went away, throwing a clue for me to solve.

Not really enlightened more than before, I go back to whining just like yesterday. I pick up a pack of French fries to munch and think, wishing they stuff more in that tiny pack. As I was going to throw it, I see a few more French fries stuck way below. I smile, and sigh…..I had found my penny for the day….

We are lost in this masquerade…..

I heard a song a long time ago….I heard it again a while ago. It sings about mystery, a tinge of dark, a glimpse of the unknown, a faraway corner in the magnitude of the mind….

It talks about the hidden real under an alien face….a face displayed to the world filled with real faces below the unreal.

Maybe the unreal is what is meant to be. Strange to rule. Mystery draped as moist eyes look on from behind the balls of steel…..the pain simmering to reveal…..to another ink drawn face…..in this masquerade…..

She gets rid of the monster in my closet

I froze, and then I screamed. That yellow coloured monster with popping eyes usually makes me cry. Oh yes, I cried too. Don’t know exactly what makes me react to a lizard with such passion. But yes, for the cool quotient I can say I have a phobia. Let me get back to track because this write up is not about me. It’s about someone who has blessed me with her life.
And that leads me back to the story. This lizard crawled up the window above my head and disappeared into this tiny crevice which I had insisted on keeping for a plug point. I yell and cry into my hands screaming “Who kept the window open?” Then my mom swept in, running late to work, food over cooking on high blaze flame, water over flowing in the bathroom, the maid hitting the bell continuously to get in, but there for her dear daughter who needs to be rescued from her childhood monster. And she does, so that I sleep peacefully.
Again another day, yet another incident. Actually a daily routine. I have a fear of the mirror ghost. Damn the movies which show a face in the mirror and u turn to see there is none. Well, I am sure you are laughing at me right now and calling me a looney. But, mom doesn’t think so. She stands patiently right next to me, groggy eyed and messed up hair as I wash my face knowing she is going to get rid of that mirror ghost if it comes my way.
You think my mother has spoilt me. Or think this girl required a few spankings as a child.
But my mom had other plans for me in her mind. She made me what very few can achieve.
Many grow to be ambitious, successful, outstanding, perfectionists, principled, path breaking. But mom, she made me a simple happy human being. Filled with optimism, the kind you have when you have someone to fall back on, turn and fall on the shoulders to cry, hug tight and go to sleep with a smile. She saw my fears as her own, my joys as her own. Supported my decisions when I myself don’t, stand up for me when I don’t think its worth. This helped me see right and wrong. This helped me judge people and the world with a light heart. She hasn’t made me weak. She has made me unbreakable, as I always feel her light reassuring touch and care filled eyes on me.

And that’s how it’s done!

A line is often thrown around carelessly. “Everyone has a talent which needs to be discovered.” Okay, so each one is born with a skill. Yes skill, where practice, hardwork, determination etc is not required to be pumped in as it’s already a skill, not a raw seed of talent. Let me explain in more words and sentences. Remember, that boy in the class who effortlessly had a slight charm that made girls go weak on the knees? Or that goofy boy a row ahead who had the crowd in splits with his hushed up under the table whispered mimicry of all the professors teaching with complete dedication blissfully unaware of being source of entertainment. Coming to professors. Why did some win the hearts of millions of students by just an entry, smile and a few words of introduction? Why did some students make the noise in the room go down with their singing during a competition (unless they were all his/her friends!), why did some elocute with such precision and add a few liners on the way as an impromptu? How did some get away with being excellent monitors for classes which has seen the death of a many before?
Moving from nostalgia (dwelled there a little more than required!), and into the real world. What about the Bhelwala whose stall is crowded forever while the others by the side hopelessly cater to a few who are just in a hurry to not make it to the popular guy? Or that little boy who managed to sell you a book at the signal where many have failed. Even the poojari at your favourite temple around whom the people flock to get their offerings done.
It’s true, each person is born to excel in one skill so well that it runs in the blood and requires no expertise. But also, the sad truth is, most are unfortunate to realize the importance of the skill they are endowed with. Even worse, many are not even aware that what they possess is a skill. A few divine, are just good at what ever they do (people or supernaturals in this category could have skipped this note!). Most people work day in and day out building a skill, being beaten by a few who are lucky enough to do what they are born to do. Is there a solution? As far as my shallow eyes see it, no. Because there is a fundamental flaw in possessing a skill. When you possess it, you think it’s a piece of cake for everyone else in this world, just like it’s for you. I don’t know how that could be beaten. I wish I knew, and when I am wishing I wish I knew my skill in the first place.
Piling questions, million problems squeezed in, lack of solutions…. But just want to end on a lighter tone… whoever is reading it, and whoever isn’t, you all have that one fabulous thing to back you up when you say…. And that’s how it’s done!

Captain Planet left a ring for me.

Another social service ad floats on TV as I lazily stare at it having a million notes and combinations rearranging themselves in my mind. I should be heading to the bank before it shuts. But that alteration is important too and he will shut like he runs the shop as a favour to mankind. So I have to take a rickshaw ask him to wait as I drop the clothes and then rush to the bank hoping against hopes that it doesn’t turn out to be a wasted trip. But I still sit there stretching a bit, reassuring myself 5 minutes wont do harm. But my eyelashes flutter towards the clock once in a few seconds and finally I heave myself up.
That whole world making and breaking planning of mine took a lot from this world, based on the highest capacity I have in the share of world damaging. I kept that TV running when I wasn’t even registering the tube happenings. That fan swirling for those extra 10 minutes I spent over mulling. That rickshaw fuel that’s going to be burnt courtesy me as I chose not to leave early enough to walk. The air conditioner I left on in my room which was awaiting my presence to collect up and go for my errands. Well that’s about it. Or am I underestimating my power to destruct the world? All that for my 5 minutes of sheer laziness speaks volume of how aware I am of the world problems and resource depletion inspite of those zillion ads and day after day building up knowledge. It’s not that corrupt government or swindling MNCs alone busily brick by brick dismantling the world. We help by scraping off the mortar holding it together.
Can we do something about it? Yes. But first we need to have the want to do something about it. And want comes from care. Care comes from love. Love something so dearly and passionately and see how it will lead to the need of taking care of the world it lives in. Love that pet dog of yours and you will want to keep this world intact for its generations to come. Love that plant which is beautifully blooming at your kitchen sill and see how you would want the waters to be forever flowing to serve the plants of its kind. Or that mischievous coo coo of the cuckoo will want you to save those trees forever to live and flourish. We need this world. But to get what you need, first we need to contradict it by turning selfless and love without condition. As for me, I will start with a little less procrastination.

Who is peeking from behind the door?

"Where is this girl? Doesn't she realize our whole family is here? Where does she disappear every time? God, I dont have time for this." The mother scurries away, making a mental note to give a sound piece of her mind to her daughter once the guests have left. 'The girl' is completely aware of the mother's wrath that has befallen her but still she can't get her feet to budge from her safe little zone....from behind the door. That place where she can see the whole mighty world, where people are what they want the world to see....but also sometimes, when they think no one is looking, people are also what they don't want the world to see. She does not want to enter this world as she is not sure if she belongs there, if it is okay to be seen as herself in this world. She will know one day. Till then, she will peek shyly with absolute awe, into the ever fascinating world that doesn't seem to have an end, which begins from the subconscious curl of her toes....behind the door.